April 2006: Emotional Abuse & Mother Fear

Question

I have been married for 11 years and I have 2 great children but the problem is my husband and how he treats me and also the children. He has never hit any of us but he has a temper and sometimes he gets so angry with us. I suppose that I accept it as I don’t have any money of my own and nowhere else to go but my son who is the youngest seems to also get so angry now and he says horrid things to everyone. I don’t know what to do I try to balance my husbands anger and temper with being kind but that does not seem to be working. I don’t want my son to grow up like his father with the same attitude. He can be kind at times; I just wish there were more happy times.

Answer:

Oh dear! You have a number of issues to deal with here. The first and biggest issue is your husband and as you don’t seem to have any lifeline or family support you are going to have to deal with this one on your own for the sake of your son.    Your letter reads like your husband is a controlling bully who has been able to get away with his ‘bad’ behaviour for too long, he may have been an only child or spoilt within his family unit. The good news that you can change his attitude and mind set as you are the stronger person – I say this because you have had the strength to stay in this same situation for so long. Time for change NOW. I would recommend two types of books for you to buy the first is dealing with bad behaviour in dogs the second is a basic book on NLP. Read both and start to be aware of the psychology behind both.  Simply put it is praising and encouraging good behaviour and changing the bad attitude. I would also suggest some sessions for you with hypnosis to help you feel more positive about what you can do.

Question

I had a baby daughter a few months ago and I find that I am scared all the time that something awful is going to happen to her. She may stop breathing, she may get sick or someone may try and harm her. The thoughts are there in my mind all the time. I have told my husband but he just says I am being silly. What can I do?

Answer:

The first thing you can do is relax. What you are feeling is quite normal for ‘new’ mothers and I call it ‘Mother Fear’.  Yes, sickness can happen and generally does, some babies do stop breathing and sadly there are people in our world who do harm babies and children BUT the fear that you are feeling is not helping you or your daughter. Protect and care for your child as much as possible following all the guidelines from your healthcare advisors once that you have done everything that you.